Let's Be Honest

I have to admit that lately I’ve been feeling a little bit phony. Every time I post on the blog or talk to someone at home I sound like I am drowning in majestic opportunities and worldly exposure. Which is true, but I feel like I have failed to acknowledge that there is another dimension to this adventure. 

Most of the time I love it, but there is definitely an element of discomfort when you plunge yourself into another culture, another community, another family. For instance, learning how to share one bathroom (which doesn’t always have water) with seven other people has been challenging. Same with balancing my time between homework, family chores, sleep, school, etc. Beyond the trivial things like that is the energy it takes to actively listen and converse in another language all day long. Or the loneliness that comes when you say everything’s “très bien!” and no one understands the body language that tells the real story.

In truth, I believe there are always uncomfortable moments but at home they are balanced with warm-fuzzies like inside jokes, sheets that are fresh from the dryer, long hot showers, and great conversations. The hard part of studying abroad is that there you have to invest a great deal more time and energy towards finding those things that can create a sense of belonging.

I think what I am coming to realize is that through discomfort comes understanding and appreciation; it’s just harder to see that on days when what I really want is 5 minutes to lounge in the comfort of home. But that’s what Girl Scout cookies, peanut butter and super modern internet cafés are for.

In the end, please don’t take this the wrong way. I wrote this entry because I wanted to be honest, I wanted to say what I think a lot of my fellow students are thinking, and because writing has become one of my favorite ways of dealing with yuck duck days. And even in the midst of discomfort, I would choose this semester again and again.

My youngest host brother who can cheer me up any day.